Saturday, April 7, 2007
posted on: 6:12 PM
life changes as you grow. past against future?
Back then, i am was a quiet person in class. Always polite and easy-going with people around me. Because i'm quiet people sometime think that i'm acting cool or what. But never fails to be friendly around. So people tends to hang around with me and cant leave me out from their outings. I am glad, as i am like these and it feel good to being like these. Not until, somethings happens. I don't know and don't want to remember what. But it really changes my life towards how i treat my friends.
I am still friendly as i still make new friends everyday whether it offline or online. But i never give in to girls or please them anymore like any of the guys around. For example like when you like to know a pretty girl or what, whatever they say you would come to an agreement or simply just give in to them. Towards friends and never like in the past as easy going as before. I feel strongly to stand in my own rights. And i really stand strong against it. And maybe because of these i had problems with some of my friends. Cos i simply cannot be bothered and they also think that i had attitude problem. I seriously never blame anyone of them. I know at time it my fault but i just can't help it. Maybe when you are hurt once you just tends to protect yourself more!
Could be a regret in life? I don't know ):
Especially today, i did something real bad. It not a crime to like a girl. But it a crime if you cannot give her happiness. Ever since last relationship, i seriously cannot bring myself forward although i already get over it. This girl i will name her as "C". I got to know her online if i'm not wrong it from Friendster. We chat almost every morning after i resigned during her working days on MSN. Somehow i felt that she is nice when i found out how nice she is towards her boyfriend. So i believe i feel something for her already or just crush? As for her i don't know, maybe just a friend who accompany her to chat when she is bored? But i felt that she is sincere in a way. What happened yesterday and today was we seems to quarrelled over the phone cos we both maybe having down times or EMO. Through the night i seriously thought of just forget about everythings cos i know i ain't a good person for her to continue with even if just friends. I had caused her so much of hurt and unhappiness. As i mentioned above it a crime or not able to give her happiness. But on the other hands she is attached. Everything seems just so impossible for us. I did told her not to contact me anymore when we quarrelled. But today she called, we did talk but i am still giving her attitude problem, i felt bad but still i am doing these to her. Finally in the end she cannot tolerate with my shity and endless nonsense anymore. She hung up with madness and message me these "Bye den bye loh.. Dun test my temper.. I nv ever did anything to deserve this kind of treatment you give me..U really gone too far this time round.." second message was "But wat wrong did i do to deserve the way u treat me? No. Nvm den i dun feel like messaging anymore bye." That's how everything suppose to be happy ends. I really tears, but i know i made the choice that i can't possible regret.
SORRY C.........
Would like to apologies to her here. She might not see as she don visit my blog often unless i asked her to for a purpose.
- C, i am really sorry to let you go in such states and had caused you so much hurts and all to you. You are a very nice person i know, that's why you definitely deserved someone alot better than me and that's is your current boyfriend. Just treat it as i had let you down, maybe don have to treat it cos i really let you down. Sorry girl, but whatever i said in the past of missing you and all, i mean it. Take care of yourself girl may happiness falls on you no matter what. Bye. -
Dessy Desmond Tan.
- the end -
