CROSSING THE LINE BETWEEN FRIENDSHIP & LOVE. You have been through several women and somehow none have captured your attention. Suddenly, you find your close female friend of five years strangely intriguing and attractive. What do you do when you find yourself having to decide between crossing the platonic line and the possibility of ruining a treasured friendship?
YOUR LEVEL OF FRIENDSHIP Friendship is a precious thing and lasts longer than the average fling. Before you take the plunge and confess your feelings, gauge your level of friendship with her. If she is merely an acquaintance, there isn’t much to worry about, save for the wasted cost of dinner on confession night should the unappreciative woman reject you. If you really treasure your friendship with her, realize that she (being of an unpredictable species), may choose to sever (yes, things could get that bad) all ties with you to avoid the awkwardness.
THINGS CHANGE Even if she were to feel the same way towards you, making the switch from platonic to romantic definitely changes things. Just take a look at the below phone conversations to see what I mean. I swear they were not made up by me.
When‘girl’and‘boy’were friends: Girl:Hey, free tonight for a drinks? Boy:Sure, see you in three hours time. Girl:See you.
After they became lovers: Girl:Accompany me for drinks. Boy:Sure, see you in three hour time. Girl (with slightly indignant tone):Why are you not picking me up? Boy:Er… Girl:And why three hours? What are you doing now? Can’t you meet me earlier? Boy:Arsenal is play Manchester United. Girl (interrupts with increasingly shrill voice):What? You’re choosing soccer over me?! Boy:No, I……
Girl (interrupts):You don’t love me anymore…. (voice trails off and sobbing sounds come on)
I spent the next hour coaxing her, and, yes, you guessed right, missed the match. So folks, do consider carefully. Is she worth missing a few matched and gaming sessions over?
By the way, it’s not just the soccer-watching habits that will change.
- If you guys remain platonic (1) -She politely refuses your offer to make up the amount for the black dress she has been eyeing but has insufficient cash for. She then tells her two best friends what a sweet guy you are. (2) -She checks out that cute leggy girl with you. (3) -She refuses to sleep with you.
- If both of you decided to ‘give it a shot’ (1) -She tells her two friends how you were so miserly you refused to buy her that ‘fabulous’ dress (of which you remember seeing three others similar designs in her wardrobe) even after she repeatedly dropped hints on her part. (2) -She sulks throughout the 3-hours long movie because she spotted you ‘gazing dreamily’ at the movie counter auntie. (3) -She refuses to sleep with you that night. The only thing that doesn’t change.
IS IT TRUE LOVE? Having witnessed these traumatizing changes, I know that us guys cannot afford to make a mistake. If you and her have been close friends for some time, could you have mistaken closeness or companionship for compatibility? Late night suppers and a shoulder to cry on do not equate to love. Do you feel that tell-tale sign of anticipation before meeting her? Does a dreary day at work feel much more manageable when you know you seeing her for dinner? Having her nod understandingly at your girlfriend woes do not equate to compatibility. Note: Sudden awareness of her knockers and long legs, too, may not mean anything save for the fact that you were probably not a very observant person to begin with.
IT’S MORE THAN THE TWIN PERKS, YOU SAY? Alright, make a move. Teachers have always been drilling five questions into us back in school-what, why, when, how and where. I realized they have become strangely helpful ad applicable in daily life and all dilemmas.
WHAT IS TROUBLING YOU. You are troubled over choosing between permanently paying for all her meals and risk her glaring at you when ogle at other babes at the exchange rate of sex with her thrice a week (if you’re lucky).
WHY YOU’RE LOSING PRECIOUS SLEEP. If she’s not a good friend, you’re worried she might reject you and update all your mutual friends on the chessy lines you used. If she’s a good friend, you do not want to lose a friendship you treasure. And if you’re optimistic, you worry that she might accept you before you find out that she actually has five-inch log armpit hair that she simply refuses to shave off.
WHEN TO SAY IT. Anytime except when she just broke off from a relationship or is so drunk she is singing Hollaback Girl at a volume that overwhelms the club speakers. Say it when you are sure you will not die in peace without hearing her proclaim her mutual love for you ad she happens to be well-known for her traditional values of passivity and take on gender roles.
HOW TO SAY IT. This would obviously be dependent on her character and whether you think she feels the same way. If you think she is into you as well, go non-verbal. Classics like the “let’s-watch-a-horror-movie-so-I-can-comfort-you-with-my-strong-arms”, or the chessy ‘oh-you-must-be-cold-lemme-warm-your-hands” mothod should do the trick. If you’re unsure, be a gentleman. Ask her properly. (Of course we’re not saying here that holding a woman to keep her from freezing into a block of ice in Cineleisure is inappropriate) A teacher taught my class the way to do it just right. To a woman he likes and would like to know on a deeper level (in all sense of the word), he say, “I’m rather fond of you.” Just the right amount of ambivalence that could save a friendship should things not go as planned.
WHERE TO SAY IT. If you read through all this, this friendship must really mean something to you, or you have indeed fallen for her. Say it to her in person, so you can observe her reaction. Only 5 % of the entire human population is reported to have found true love, so do not let it slip you by if you know it’s the real thing.
THE BEST METHOD. The Face to Face Non-Verbal (like subtle holding of hands) Declaration. Only this self-explanatory method utilizes all 3 human information - processing modalities, namely visual, auditory and kinesthetic (touch). This is probably explains its unparalleled success rate, as a woman is high likely to replay that fateful scene many times over before coming to a decision.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR… - Kong Jing Wenis the general practitioner and author of Love Clinic. He enjoys providing consultation to people from all walks of life who seek his advice in relationship problems. Over the years, he has derived the common denominators of successful dating and relationships which he shares with his readers and visitors to his website.
Dessy Desmond Tan. - the end -
请别忘了，谢谢
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我的个人资料库
Name: Dessy Desmond Tan Blognic: DESSY DESMOND Age/Sex/Race: 30/Male/Chinese Religion: Free Thinker Status: currently: Single / Attached Citizenship: Singaporean Birthday: 29th October 1982 Employer: Acer Computer (SG) Pte Ltd Store: Courts Jurong Point Department: Information Technology Positions: Sales Promoter Products: Desktops/Laptops/Netbooks/Tablet
*:Desmondtsy@hotmail.com MSN:My.msn@live.com.sg
我的就业历史
- Acer - Sales Promoter *Currently*
- Packard Bell - Sales Promoter
- Harvey Norman - Sales Representative
- D' Monty - Operation & Marketing Manager
- Courts - Sales Product Specialist
- Goldlion - Sales Promoter
- Emotive Concept of Singapore - Chief Event Coordinator
- Selfix DIY - Sales Assistant
- Into E Project - Event Coordinator
- Shing Lee - Warehouse Assistant
