Tuesday, July 17, 2007
posted on: 8:03 PM
KEY TO A WONDERFUL FIRST DATE.
You’ve just come back from a date with your dream girl. You start wondering if there’s something you shouldn’t have done or said anything that spoils the good impression. Was your body language suggesting that you wanted to be more as friends? Will she want to go out with you again? All these mind boggling questions are pounding hard in your mind. You struggle through the possible answers and find yourself getting more confused. The love doctors at Love Clinic has more to share on your first date out..
ASKING HER OUT.
Daevid has a dream girl in mind and they happen to be the best of friends. Afraid of ruining their friendship, he buried his feeling - the feelings of wanting more than just friendship. What are the disadvantages of declaring his feelings for her? Their friendship would be affected no doubt, till the extend that they would no longer be friends if things turn sour. Yet if things turn out just right, both of them might just become a fine couple, cherishing each other till forever and ever.
We encourage all single guys out there who have someone in mind to take a step forward to date her out. This gives you a chance progress in relationship. Sure you want her to become your special someone. But you don’t want to lose a friendship with someone so special! Fear of losing a friendship is understandable but no initiation means you’ll never know what you might have missed out. Asking someone out on a date is almost like a tennis, one side has to start the game by serving the ball over the net. Once the ball is in the girl’s court, it is up to the girl on how she’s going to return it. At the very least, you have done your part.
FEAR OF REJECTION.
Rejection is perhaps the biggest psychological obstacle that a guy faces when he makes the first move. It is this fear that makes him rooted to the ground, that makes their voices quaver when he finally manage to muster a little courage to utter “Do you want to go out this weekend?”
Look at the big picture. There’s really nothing to lose when asking a girl out for a date. If she agrees, you stand a chance of winning her heart. If not, you can remain as friends. The initial disappointment is bearable. Bear in mind, you stand a chance of success if only you try.
PREPARING FOR THE FIRST DATE.
You groan in agony, “Why prepare? Shouldn’t we be natural on the first date? Why don’t we go for the date and see what happens. If we are fated we will fall in love.”
Murphy’s Law strikes then and suddenly, you are caught off guard. Things that can go wrong always go wrong at the most critical moment. To avoid anticlimaxes and disappointments, guys have to be adequately prepared.
By preparing, it shows that she has a significant place in your heart. You are showing her how sincere you are to win her heart. The date becomes more enjoyable when everything goes according to plan. Imagine this: Coincidentally, the restaurant that you wanted to dine in was fully packed for the night. She stands and waits with you for an hour. The verdict is final.
BEFORE THE DATE.
Have realistic expectations: Many guys feel exhilarated after the girl accepts a date. Just because she has accepted a date with you one on one does not mean that she is necessarily interested in you. She may be giving the both of you a chance to know each other better. As a friend, she may know you only that much. To begin to consider you as a boyfriend, she needs to know you better.
Plan the activity: Most people will respond, “We watched a movies together” on their first date. With limited ideas in mind, a movie date seems to be the natural option for most people.
Consider this . A dinner date would probably last about 5 hours (from 6pm till 11pm). If you were to include a movie within, that’s half the duration gone. In the theatre, you may be sitting side by side, but are you truly interested in the movies or in her? The answer is obviously the latter.
Plan something that allows a higher degree of interaction between the two of you, something more than the occasional “Do you want popcorn?” One idea would be a nice romantic dinner in a restaurant with quiet ambience. If she loves sports, a date to play her favourite sport would be ideal. How about a day at the beach or park? You can then show off your culinary skills by making some sandwiches, fruit salads or juices for her on this special day out.
What to talk about: A first date might turn out to be an awkward one because both parties are simply too shy to keep the conversation going. The screaming silence during dinner is further amplified when her eyes meets yours. You will be looking blankly at her while she stares expectantly back at you. Eventually, both of you will look away. Lack of eye contact is one of the many factors in failed communications.
To avoid this, prepare a list of conversation topics to keep the communication channel open. Be concern of her likes and dislikes, her hobbies and her future plans. Share jokes with her to liven up the atmosphere. The key is to ease tension and appear approachable. Well, most gals will appreciate a good sense of humour.
DURING THE DATE.
Be yourself: Some guys really overdress for a date. Donning a coat, a bowtie and with hair all gelled down is definitely not your usual self. Forget irritating someone you are not just to impress her. Girls are not taken in by short term change of appearance. Instead, they appreciate your sincerity and sensitivity better. Acting like someone you are not will only make you look clumsy and fake. You are reducing your credibility as good boyfriend.
Communication: It is quite easy to lose control and bomb your list of doubts in rapid succession. She might feel uneasy if you start asking a whole host of questions in one breath. You are not interrogating her, drop your questions sparingly. See what she has got to say and discuss around that topic. Actively listen and be interested in what she has to say.
Do something memorable: Bear in mind that she may have gone on many dates prior to. What distinguishes you from the others? Do something special for her. A simple handmade gift from the heart is good to go. You could also invite her out for a stroll along the river to look at the stars.
AFTER THE DATE.
Sending her home: Does dating end at the end of the day? Of course not. Offer to send her home like a gentleman would and accept it graciously if she declines the offer.
Show your appreciation: This is can be done through a simple phone call or sms. Thanks her for the company. Mention how much you have enjoyed this date together and you look forward to seeing her.
Follow up: Date her out again (not half a year later). Whatever excuse you may have under your sleeves, do keep in touch with her. Time heals all wounds but time fades memories too. Soon, she’ll forget you. Ask her out within the next couple of weeks if you find her a good companion.
With the above ideas in mind, you are ready to ace at your first date out. Whatever the outcome, remember that you have nothing to lose and a friend to gain. Past experiences often enlightens you in future decisions.
Dessy Desmond Tan.
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