Tuesday, October 9, 2007
posted on: 9:08 PM
KEEPING THE PASSION ALIVE
-Keeping the Passion Alive and bringing the relationship to a whole new level!
BOY MEETS GIRLS
It all began at the train station.
He was a moderately good-looking young man, and she was a lovely young lady. His eyes met hers. They lock gazes for a moment before she shyly turned away. Her heart pounded wildly and he fumbled for something to say, but words failed him. They parted without a word.
They meet again the following day, and this time, he plucked up courage to talk to her. She didn’t make it easy for him, but eventually relents. This is the beginning of the perfect “television drama” relationship.
A year down the road, we return to the same beautiful couple. Her hands are crossed indignantly, and he is frustrated. There is an argument that they cannot resolve; they are angry and no longer feel in love. Eventually, they go their separate ways.
FEELING OF LOVE
How many times have we gone through all the trouble in courtship to secure a relationship with someone, only to have it fail and let it go bust?
Many times, people tell me that it is because the “feeling” of love is no longer present. As the popular saying goes, “Love is blind”. When the heat is on and the passion is up, it’s easy to overlook the little imperfections in him or her; so what if her nose is crooked, it’s her heart that counts! So what if he has an almost non-existent bank account? It’s the character that matters, love will keep us alive, darling… But once the honeymoon period is over, guess what? Her nose is still crooked, and his bank account balance remains unchanged. Where will you be heading next?
How , then, can we keep our relationship going when the fires of passion have already ebbed away? Some experts might suggest doing little things like bringing your other half to a surprise candle-light dinner or something, and I am all for that. There’s nothing much like adding a bit of fun and spontaneity in a relationship. Yet I’d like to talk about something more fundamental at this point.
Stephen Covey, renowned behavioral guru and author of the best selling book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, had this to say on topic of relationship.
A man came up to Covey after a seminar seeking advice on his marriage. “Something’s wrong with my marriage,” he began. “My wife and I, we’ve lost the feeling of being in love. I no longer love her.”
To which Covey replied: “Then start loving her.”
The man was, of course, puzzled by Covey’s response. “But you don’t understand, we’ve lost the feeling already. How do I love her when the feeling is lost?”
“My friend,” Covey said, “If you’ve lost the feeling, all the more you decide to love your wife again.”
LOVE = COMMITTED ACTION
You see, “Love” is a verb; an action that we do not unto people. Sure, we will get that feeling of “being in love” when we begin a relationship with someone new, but that is not the crux of what keeps a relationship going! Love is the committed actions towards our partners, not the feeling. Beside, feeling can sometimes confuse us. I personally find that it is easy to get that “falling in love” feeling with someone who has managed to impress me, yet I maintain that I only commit love - the action - to my current girlfriend. Imagine what happens when we follow our feelings instead? Two-timing alert, people!
And here’s the beautiful thing about having love as an action: it’s your action, your choice. So you can decide to do it at any time! We can decide when to give her a back rub after long day at work, or whether or not we want to patiently listen to what she wants when she’s throwing tantrum about , it is all up to us. Don’t worry reciprocation from her; the law of reciprocity ALWAYS comes back full circle. Period.
All that is required of us is to want to do that. And therein lies the true test of our relationship.
And so, if you should find the passion fading away in your relationship, do remember that it is not the expiry date of your relationship kicking in. Instead, take proactive action to do something special for your partner, especially in the absence of feeling. This is what truly brings your relationship to a whole new level!
THE REAL THING: SHORTEST FAIRYTALE EVER
Once upon a time a man asked a woman “Will you marry me?”
She said “No.”
And he lived happily eve after.
Dessy Desmond Tan.
- the end -
