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Thursday, October 18, 2007

posted on: 4:58 AM

OFFICE ROMANCE

Definition: Office romance to me is defined as any relationship within confines of the working environment that goes beyond that necessary of a colleague or friend. Quite a mouthful i would say ; I was even surprised that I could come up with that.

HISTORY
Office romances have been traditionally frowned upon for good reasons. There is always the possibility of a “conflict of interest” when love and reason collides. This usually arises when one party is directly subordinate to the other. This is also true when both parties are holding laterally similar positions.

The Human Resource department because of the reasons cited will forewarn new recruits of “their” policy of discouraging such relationships in the office. Notwithstanding, office romances do happen. I know - I did that before.

Unfortunately, to debate whether HR policy is appropriate or not, or to recount how my office romance ended up is not my sole priority. My purpose here is to show you how you should go about such relationships and why you should think more on it.

WHY YES?
Why should one even consider having an office romance when it is taboo?

The reasons are plenteous and I shall outline some of those that I can think of right now.

1) CONFIDANTE
With a partner in the same office, it means that they know exactly the trails and tribulations that you go through; thus it saves the couple the trouble of having to repeat the day’s events when the question: “How was your day?” is popped.

For some guys, that means about ¾ of their “talking material” is gone up in smoke. So for guys who are short of words, starting finding some stuff to talk to your partner when the work day is over.

On a more serious note, having a partner in the same office would also mean that there is emotional support on the “front line”. After work, constructive time can actually be spent with one another over how to tackle situations in the office. The more you share, the more you grow together in the relationship.

2) SAVING OF TIME
In today’s vastly different business world, some couples actually have no time to meet! On the weekends, they are either (still) busy with work or recovering from the stress of the weekday period.

If you belong to this group, it may be a good idea to have an office romance as whether you have to work late or not, you still get to see your partner - even though it may be a stolen glance or a quickie in the pantry. Beware the hidden cams though.

WHY NOT?
1) TOO CLOSEFOR COMFORT
Following closely on the heels of the previous note is that couples may get too close for comfort in the office. And I don’t mean comfort of the snuggly wuggly kind.

It’s been said that “absence makes the heart fonder”. I got the news for you also that “familiarity breeds contempt”.

It is also true that overly frequent meetings can actually cause the spark to die out in relationships. After all, I already see you in the office EVERY day, I don’t get an incentive, neither do I look forward to seeing you AGAIN over the weekends.

This is real danger that couples need to consider and be mindful of.

If you are already ensconced in one, then bring up this issue GENTLY and then try to work out some “space”. It can only do the relationship good.

2) BE MR./MRS. FRIENDLY
Every year, at the annual dinner and dance, you should be the recipient or the aforementioned award.

Most certainly, people will tell you to be friendly as a matter of course. But the reasons to do so elude them.

Being friendly will naturally draw people to you as a matter of consequence. Being friendly will help people open up to you, thereby enlarge your social circle - if you know how to go beyond the early morning pleasantries.

Being friendly MOST IMPORTANTLY will help your good name avoid being tarnished. Imagine the office playboy who is friendly only to pretty girls - not a very good impression given off right?

But, what if there is a guy who is friendly to EVERYONE? I bet you, when he approaches the nubile 23 year old gal who is fresh out of school, you will not even notice his approach. He flown under the radar. That is right, I want you to avoid detection and fly under the radar.

3) FLY UNDER THE RADAR
It’s an office romance right? Supposed to be hush hush right? So just keep the whole operation under wraps. Guys, I know, It’s exciting to be able to tell the “boys” in the pantry what sweet Miss Fresh-Out-of-School did to you right?

Girls, I also know it’s exciting to tell the other girls in the toilet what Mr. New-and-Hunky Manager gave you for the Valentine’s Day yeah?

BUT PLEASE! Keep it quiet. First of all, H.R will not like it when they find out… trust me, they will find out. Secondly, when/if you guys break up, it’s going to be hard to face colleagues who in all their unnecessary inquisitiveness start to ask “concerned” questions.

Trust me; you can do away with all that bullshit. Couplehood is about two people, not two TEAMS. Save all this “he/she did this…” for when things are really serious (read:getting married).

4) THE APPROACH
The first two steps were preemptive and really set the stage for the actual work that you have to do to “nab” your prize.

Since you are already the opitome of friendliness in the office, now is the time to develop things a little further with your female colleague.

FLIRTING & INNUENDOES
For the lack of space here, I will assume that you are already well versed in dating skills - only brief treatments can be given here.

You need to elevate a mere platonic, “we are colleagues” relationship into one that is potentially more exciting.

You have to start looking more intensely into her eyes when you talk. Conversations have to be steered from staples to something else.

A warning however, please ensure that they are available in the first place. Nothing is worse than finding out that Miss Booty-licious “belongs” to the boss..

Learn how to use innuendoes which can convey two meanings one good and one bad.

Example, when you guys need to talk about work, you say: “Your place or my place?” and thereafter innocuously point to your workstation.

Or, when the topic is on movies, and you two happen to like the same show, you could say: “Yea, would (you) love to watch it this weekend (?)” It’s all about the delivery. The words in brackets are implied.

I hope you get the drift because I cannot be outlining all the different examples. It’s too many and too little space here.

COMMENT ON THE LITTLE THINGS
To score brownie points with the colleague and let HER know that you are noticing her…you have to comment on the little things.

TELL HER:
- “You have a lovely belt, where did you get it from?”
- “I love the tone of your hair color, it’s perfect. Too many girls get it too dull or bright.”
- “I love your pedicure, where was it done?”
- “I love your shoes, is it from Nine West?”
- “Did you choose your eye shadow color on purpose so that it matches your outfit? Classic!”
- “Where did you get your top from? They don’t make such nice designs nowadays, you must have looked very hard.”

When they ask you how you know so much, just brush it off saying; “Oh, I have always been an observant person, I HATE it, so don’t ask me why.”

Do send me emails about how many brownie points you boys score.

5) NEXT
I hope you managed to develop all this double talk trash into a real date.

Before you embark on this date, you have to ask yourself what you really want from this. Is it a screening date where you check her to see if she is compatible?

Is it a date where you want her to know of your intentions by your actions? I want to add here that only inexperienced daters TELL the girls of their intentions. Telling breeds expectations which breed PRESSURE.

6) MAKING INTENTIONS KNOWN
Let’s say (I am running out of space) that I am really keen on the girl and want to make her mine (that sounds like the chorus of a song!)..

I WILL
1. Listen attentively.

2. Ask questions based on what she says.

3. Remember the stuff she said (she will cross examine you I promised).

4. TOUCH…

I know a lot of you will cringe at number 4, but PLEASE! When I say touch, I mean something non-sexual, like the elbows and the little of the back.

Research has shown that touching breeds affection. Touch her briefly at those spots for about 3 seconds when helping her out of the table, crossing the road or when trying to make a point. Understand?

7) THE ULTIMATE
When I see that she is receptive and likes me as well… I will give her the ultimate…well for the 1st date at least.

Send her home, tell her you had a good time and hope to do a 2nd date with her, and then bugger off…for some mystery.

First off, 1st dates don’t kiss each other good night, at least not in Singapore. So don’t attempt to scare her off with that pucker up the 1st time you go out!

CONCLUSION
This is obviously not an exhaustive treatment of all that OR is and entails. But by following this, you should be able to at least get that first date. In the words of Yogi Berra: “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take!”

Dessy Desmond Tan.
- the end -